Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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