afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bring me that man meat
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize