I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
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I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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