Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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