Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
