I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
