Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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