So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
