I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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