Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
