Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
