I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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