She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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