too bad you live with your parents still
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
