I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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