There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
