Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize