Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
