somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
