I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you win again, gameday.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
