He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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