Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
