just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
