Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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