On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
