WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
