A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
