The brown eye won't let me do that either.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
