Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
