he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
