Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
