Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
