do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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