I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize