found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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