I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
