she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
