That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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