HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
