It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Of course I have a pirate flag
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
