you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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