he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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