I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
