he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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