Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
