Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
