u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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