we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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