Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.

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(206): I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers. http://tfl.nu/k6c6

Replies (26) Good night (6148) Bad night (573)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

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(201): I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork. http://tfl.nu/8epk

Replies (16) Good night (1112) Bad night (5162)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.

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(612): Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls. http://tfl.nu/jpdx

Replies (15) Good night (3261) Bad night (1316)
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(512): View more from Texas

Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?

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(512): Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know? http://tfl.nu/zvg4

Replies (17) Good night (3263) Bad night (854)
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(970): View more from Colorado

found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.

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(970): found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night. http://tfl.nu/fgij

Replies (1) Good night (1953) Bad night (732)
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(209): View more from California

You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant

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(209): You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant http://tfl.nu/dw7g

Replies (7) Good night (2355) Bad night (1899)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.

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(267): I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible. http://tfl.nu/ayl9

Replies (9) Good night (1888) Bad night (754)
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(813): View more from Florida

Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.

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(813): Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night. http://tfl.nu/yhd7

Replies (5) Good night (1371) Bad night (430)
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(646): View more from New York

My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.

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(646): My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole. http://tfl.nu/klnl

Replies (11) Good night (468) Bad night (1285)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.

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(215): If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life. http://tfl.nu/9g40

Replies (2) Good night (1056) Bad night (515)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.

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(217): Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again. http://tfl.nu/k53k

Replies (9) Good night (1360) Bad night (466)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

He should be castrated

(604): View more from British Columbia

Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons

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(778): He should be castrated (604): Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons http://tfl.nu/5v9r

Replies (7) Good night (516) Bad night (880)
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(805): View more from California

I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore

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(805): I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore http://tfl.nu/eg5i

Replies (3) Good night (1060) Bad night (490)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week

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(267): I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week http://tfl.nu/wcg4

Replies (1) Good night (273) Bad night (580)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later

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(414): Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later http://tfl.nu/j0j8

Replies (3) Good night (383) Bad night (385)

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