Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
