I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.