I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
