last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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