i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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