I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
