I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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