...so i touched it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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