I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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