apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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