Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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