Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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