well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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