He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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