I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
