Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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